I know you already know my story but I wanted to share it again since I was feeling low today. I’ve had a rough couple of weeks and thinking about my progress always gets me back where I need to be. I’ve accomplished so much by believing in myself … I never thought I would ever believe in me because I was nothing. Not even worth to be looked at. Here’s my story on how I became stronger, how I started loving myself and what I’ve done these past years after my tumor. I know it’s a lot to read but I’ve kinda thrown my heart out.
I’ve never been the lucky girl. Being a small ginger girl never gives you a lot of friends but the ones I had where deeply cherished. I grew up at my grandmother’s place because it was just a lot easier for my parents who were farmers at that time. I went home in weekends and went back to my grandma from Monday till Friday. She spoiled me so badly I barely ate anything but she was so good to me. It was my second mom.
I was going to a school where status was a big deal. Either you had very expensive clothes and a big mouth taking shit or you had ‘the normal’ kids with mostly regular clothing. I was none of both. Since my parents were farmers, fashion wasn’t something I grew up with. I just wore stuff and got bullied for it. Yes, on top of being ginger and not the prettiest kid, I also got bullied for that. Anyway, at the age of 17 I finally got my first boyfriend, because well puberty kicked in, acne was out and apparently I got attractive. After 1,5 year of dating that guy, he told me I shouldn’t gain more weight … like what? I was shocked, sad and already had no self esteem what so ever. Guess what he did, he made me feel like shit, every single day I looked at myself. We broke up (I was indeed very sad at that point but now I couldn’t be more happy), I ate almost nothing anymore being on the verge of anorexia. What he said to me stayed in my mind for several years. I looked at myself like I was some kind of alien, ugly fat kid while I was so so skinny you could really just count my ribs and spine like an abacus. Oh and I still didn’t really have friends.
Then I met my current boyfriend. He made me feel so special and would tell me how pretty I was and would complement me every single moment he was with me. After being together for 2 years, I got diagnosed with my brain tumor. He stood by me no matter what. Together with my mom they switched places so I would never be alone. I was 22 at that point.
As a recovery I went to a physiotherapist but that didn’t really help me like I should. So I started looking for different solutions until one point I read an article about how Candice Swanepoel was a big fan of this Australian PT Kayla Itsines. Like hell yeah, I wanted that body (still being brainwashed from my ex calling me ‘fat’). Now of course I know better but I’ll get to that point later on in my story.
So I started looking on Instagram, saw those BBG transformations and I was sold. At that point rehabilitation wasn’t my main issue, it was having a body like Candice. Can you imagine that? I was so broke inside, so empty and all I could think about was having Candice’s body. I’m ashamed now talking about it but it’s part of me and I better embrace it.
Starting with BBG 4 months post surgery maybe wasn’t the best plan since I was still recovering. Shit, I had to learn how to walk, eat and wash myself you know. And there I was 4 months post surgery thinking I could definitely do every single exercise because I though I was the hulk. How wrong was I, right? I know … I realized it soon enough. But those BBG guides did save me! I learned that my body needed time, that I needed to adjust. So I did, I adjusted! And after that it started to become better.
I can honestly say BBG has made me think a lot about myself, who I wanted to be and how I could achieve it. This is called upping your self esteem ! Never could I imagine that working out would do this to me. I started networking with other BBG girls, who are now my best friends. I thought about life in a good way and I sure as hell was more proud of myself than ever.
BBG made me start up my own blog which I never thought would be such a huge success. I’m so proud of the things I’ve accomplished by believing in myself and that’s just what Kayla did: She let me believe in me. I started making new social contacts making I have friends now, actual friends. I can count them on my both hands but that’s fine by me. They are real and I love them with all my heart.
I’m feeling quite down at this point because my health isn’t what it used to me. Unfortunately, but true. In the past two weeks I’ve had the regular flu (worst category) and the stomach flu. Because of that I cannot work out or eat properly meaning my blood pressure is way to low (8/5 to be exact). I’m constantly dizzy and my left side starts to cramp up again, just like before my surgery (when I still had the tumor). Everything together makes me so sad but I know I’m strong and I can be back on track soon as long as I keep my vibes positive.
Every time I’m down or whatever like I’m now, I love to think back to the journey I’ve been through, where it brought me and what it made of me. I’m a strong, independent woman, loving herself, feeling strong and loved by people surrounding me. Being able to have set up this blog is only because I found the courage after my tumor through working out. A dream became reality and I’m extremely thankful.
BBG is now a bit on and off due to the health problems mentioned above but when I feel better I always try to get a workout in.
Thank you to my family, boyfriend, friends, colleagues and Kayla Itsines.
I’m definitely #strongerinlife.
Lot’s of love,